Financial manipulation rarely starts after a divorce has been initiated. It often begins well before, with subtle but damaging tactics. From the way money is handled to hidden assets or excessive control, what happens during the relationship often carries through into separation. By that time, these patterns are usually deeply entrenched, leaving one party disadvantaged and unsure how to push back.
The first step is to recognise when this behaviour is happening. From there, it becomes easier to see the pressure it creates, both financially and emotionally.
At The Hidden Asset, we specialise in divorce forensic accounting, and we see the impact of these patterns often. We know how important it is to address them. Here is what you need to know.
#1 - Hiding income
This particular form of manipulation is one that is most likely to have begun long before the relationship came to an end. One tactic some spouses use is inflating expenses through an ABN. They push personal costs through a business to reduce taxable income. In this way, rent, utilities and even everyday items are disguised as business outgoings. On paper, the income looks much lower, but in reality, it is a very distorted figure.
When declared income does not match the lifestyle being lived, it raises red flags. Warning signs include mortgage or rent payments that seem much too high to suit the income shown, regular holidays or large purchases such as vehicles and renovations. These gaps suggest that money is being earned or accessed outside what has been disclosed.
Hiding income is most often motivated by child support. By pushing income down, one party reduces their financial responsibility for raising children. This places an unfair burden on the other parent and impacts the wellbeing of the children. However, a careful financial review can reveal when income has been deliberately minimised and help bring some fairness back into the process.
#2 - Hiding assets
Assets can be concealed in many forms, from property held under another name to business interests that are quietly left out of disclosure. These omissions are rarely accidents. They are often deliberate attempts to reduce the pool of assets that will be divided in a settlement.
One of the clearest warning signs is when the financial picture feels incomplete. As explained when discussing hidden income, a person may report modest savings and few assets while still maintaining a lifestyle that tells another story. In the case of hidden assets, gaps often appear around business holdings, trusts or share portfolios that are left out of disclosure. Knowing where to look and how to confirm ownership is essential when the information provided seems fishy.
In one previous case, a client’s former partner said he only owned one company. A check of the ASIC Historical Report revealed he also held shares in another company, and that income was being channelled through it. What was even more concerning was the fact that the business had been set up years before divorce was even discussed. The planning and deception involved really showed how far in advance these tactics can begin, and why vigilance is so important during the financial aspect of divorce proceedings.
#3 - Prolonging proceedings
Deliberate delay is a common way a former spouse can financially manipulate their partner. The higher earner often has the means to stall, either by ignoring correspondence until multiple solicitor letters are sent or by stretching out timelines with repeated excuses. This places enormous pressure on the person who cannot afford to wait.
The impact of these tactics is not only financial but emotional. Being left in limbo for months at a time creates doubt, anxiety and exhaustion. What begins as a legal dispute becomes a war of attrition, designed to make someone give up or accept less than they deserve simply to find relief.
For some people, the hardest part is that the blame is often shifted back onto them. They may collect evidence and know the facts are on their side, yet still receive constant texts insisting they are the ones causing delays. When those messages are repeated often enough and with conviction, it can be hard not to believe them. Even when records show months of silence from one party, the narrative may still be twisted until the other feels responsible. If you recognise this pattern, it is important to trust the evidence in front of you and not the version of events being pushed onto you.
#4 - Gaslighting through child support
Some people try to turn the child support system into a weapon. False claims are lodged even when both parties know they are untrue, and the burden then falls on the other parent to disprove them. Hours that should be spent working or caring for children are instead lost to gathering documents and writing responses.
The result is more than frustration. It disrupts cashflow, adds stress to parenting, and leaves the other party feeling worn down by a system that seems to reward persistence over truth. The intent is not only to confuse the system but to wear the other person down until they stop fighting.
#5 - Financial control
Control over property can become one of the most powerful forms of financial manipulation. When one person refuses to leave the family home or drags their feet on decisions, the other is left without stability.
In one case, the family home was placed on repeated hardship moratoriums, with promises to sell that never eventuated. While repayments were paused, funds were diverted into legal battles instead. Over time, the value of the property actually dropped, which put significant financial pressure on the other party, all while one person kept full control.
By delaying sales, limiting access or dictating terms, one person can continue to exert power long after the relationship has ended. If you see these behaviours, they are a sign of financial control and should not be ignored.
When You Need Support, Here’s Where to Turn
You don’t have to figure it out alone.
If you’re unsure, overwhelmed, or afraid to push back, there are trusted resources ready to help:
- 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732
- Women’s Legal Services Australia
- Legal Aid in your state or territory
- Your GP or psychologist – for support and documentation
- The Hidden Asset – for forensic tracing, settlement clarity, and confident next steps
Some practical advice for those in financially manipulative relationships
Financial manipulation can be hard to recognise when you are in the middle of it. Doubt and second-guessing are often part of the experience. If the numbers don’t add up or financial decisions are being made without your knowledge, take notice. Evidence matters, and having it in your hands is important. Here are some steps you can take:
- If you suspect income is being hidden, note any lifestyle spending that doesn’t align with what has been declared. Keep records of large purchases, holidays or renovations.
- Where assets may be concealed, save copies of company searches, valuations or anything that links a person to a business or property not disclosed.
- If proceedings are being drawn out, keep a timeline of correspondence and responses. Document long gaps and retain any messages that shift blame back onto you.
- For child support disputes, hold onto official letters along with the evidence you’ve gathered to disprove false claims.
- If control over property is being used against you, record attempts to sell, refinance or restrict access, and keep copies of bank or mortgage statements.
If you believe financial manipulation is occurring, please seek advice early.
Contact us for more information.
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Frequently Asked Questions
How can I tell if my spouse is hiding income during a divorce?
Hiding income often begins long before separation. A common tactic is to inflate expenses through an ABN, passing personal costs like rent, utilities or everyday purchases through a business to make income look lower. On paper, it seems modest, but the lifestyle may suggest otherwise. Warning signs include mortgage or rent payments that don’t match the declared income, regular holidays or big-ticket purchases like cars and renovations. These gaps point to money being earned or accessed outside what has been disclosed.
What are common ways assets are hidden in divorce settlements?
Assets can be concealed in many ways: property may be placed under another name, investments might be overlooked, or business interests left out of disclosure. Hidden assets often involve trusts, business holdings or share portfolios. In one case, an ASIC Historical Report uncovered undisclosed shares in a second company that had been set up years before divorce was discussed. Such planning shows why vigilance is critical when reviewing financial disclosures.
What should I do if my ex is deliberately delaying divorce proceedings?
Deliberate delay is a common form of financial manipulation. The higher earner may stall by ignoring correspondence until multiple solicitor letters are sent or by stretching out timelines with repeated excuses. This creates enormous financial and emotional pressure. Over time, what begins as a legal dispute can become a war of attrition, pushing the other party to give up or accept less to end the conflict. Keep a timeline of correspondence and responses, and trust the evidence rather than the blame-shifting texts or accusations you may receive. Documenting gaps and patterns protects you from being unfairly painted as the cause of delays.
How does gaslighting through child support work, and what can I do about it?
Some people weaponise the child support system by lodging false claims even when they know they are untrue. The burden then falls on the other parent to disprove the claim. Hours that should be spent parenting or working are instead used to collect documents and respond to the system. This tactic disrupts cash flow, adds stress and leaves the other parent feeling worn down. If this happens, save all official letters and correspondence and gather solid evidence to counter the claim. Staying organised helps reduce the disruption and ensures the facts are clear.
What steps can I take if my ex is using financial control to pressure me?
Control over property is a powerful form of manipulation. A person might refuse to leave the family home or delay decisions, leaving the other without stability. In one case, the home was placed on repeated hardship moratoriums with promises to sell that never eventuated. While repayments were paused, funds were diverted into legal battles, and the property value dropped, creating significant financial pressure. If you see behaviour like delaying sales, limiting access or dictating terms, record every attempt to sell, refinance or restrict access, and keep copies of bank or mortgage statements. These records can help expose financial control for what it is.
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Not sure where to begin? You’re not alone. We guide individuals and professionals through the financial complexities of divorce – step by step, with calm, expert support. Whether you’re feeling unsure or simply need a place to start, we’re here to help. Use the form to get in touch, or book an appointment today.